Passions and Purpose

I feel like I am walking in the desert. I don't know how or why I got to this point; it's like I woke up one morning and God was gone. I know that it is my fault. I haven't been reading my bible or talking to God as much. At all, really. Sure, I will open it and skim through it, but that is not what I want. I want to immerse myself in it. But I seem to find other things to occupy my time. Last week, I was on a YWAM base here in Germany. It made me remember Salem and all the good times there. I want that. I want to live with people that are passionate about Jesus. I miss it. At the same time, being around all those wonderful people with dreams and passions, made me realize I have no true dream or passion. I say I want to help kids, but I have no idea in which way. Do I want to teach them or make them healthy? Or maybe help train young adults to pursue their passions. I know I wouldn't be happy living in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and a dog my whole life. I want more. But I don't know what. I thought doing a DTS would help make me realize my passions, but it seemed to make them even less defined. I know God has a plan A for my life, but I want to know what that plan is. Or at least a direction to go in. When I go back to Grants Pass, I don't want to feel like I am taking a step backward. I want to keep moving forward. On to my destiny. This is a jumble of thoughts. I hope it somehow makes sense. Anyway, here is a quote I have been repeating over and over to myself- 'If God can make a shepard a king, turn fishermen into world changers, and a group of slaves into a nation, what more can He do with you?' I know there is a plan and a purpose for me, I just need to not rest until I find it.

What am I doing with my life?

This is the question of the year it seems. I know that God has given me a dream to help kids, but what does that entail? Aneta and I talked last night for a few hours about life. She told me that she had been in school for 19 years! That is over half her life! The discussion got me thinking about my life had I stayed in school. I would be graduating this year with a degree in... I don't even know. Four years ago it would have been a major in Physical Therapy and a minor in Spanish. Last year it would have been a kindergarten teacher. Now? I am looking into becoming a mid-wife. But do I really have the courage/ability/stamina to be able to bring a life into the world? What if something were to go wrong? Would I be able to live with myself? But I digress. If I had stayed in school, I would not have traveled or met all the wonderfully crazy people I now know or be anywhere near where I should be in my relationship with God. Sure I would have my degree, but at what cost? I am so thankful that God points us in the right direction even when we aren't asking Him to. I love that Troy brought up the fact that God always has plan A for our lives. No matter how far we go, He always brings us back to where we are supposed to be. When God calls forth destiny, He will make sure it comes to pass. I am so thankful that with every step I take, I am becoming the woman God has called me to be. Even if I can't see it right now. So, what am I doing with my life? I don't know, but I am finding out more and more that that is ok. I don't need to know what is going to happen a few days, months, years down the road. I think this is the first time in my life where I actually know that, in the Hebrew sense. I also know that I want to change the world for the better and not waste the short amount of time I have here on Earth. Starting with one kid at a time...