Get angry with God!

You know how God has a way of revealing Himself to you through strange things? Well, that happened to me today. Last night, I got angry at God. I cried, I yelled, I pleaded. All to no avail. I guess I thought God would give me some response, but I got nothing. I ended up falling asleep with a pounding headache. That was it. It wasn't until today that last night made sense. I am reading an excellent book called 'The Sacred Diaries of Adrian, Andromeda and Leonard' by Adrian Plass. This is the first book I have ever read to make me actually laugh out loud several times! Anyway, as I was reading tonight, a passage really spoke to me. So much that I felt the need to blog about it right away. Here it is...

(To catch you up, Adrian is a Christian author and speaker. The book is written as his diary. He is in the middle of speaking at an outreach dinner.) "I said, 'Look, I could be wrong, but I think God is saying to me that there are some people here tonight who need to forgive God.' Panicked suddenly at what I could hear coming out of my own mouth. 'Of course,' I went on hastily, 'he can't actually do anything wrong to be forgiven for, but that's what's so difficult sometimes, isn't it? I mean - well, it's not very easy to have a real row with someone who never ever gets anything wrong, is it?' Suddenly seemed to know exactly what to say. 'I mean, there must be some of us who want to climb up onto God's lap like small children and bash at his chest with our little fists, and say, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I asked you to help me and you didn't help me. You knew what I was feeling - you knew what needed to happen and you didn't do it. You say you love me, but you don't! If you did, you would have done something, but you didn't! I hate you!"'
Suddenly spotted Gerald's face, his eyes wide with surprise at what I was saying. Remembered when he was just a little boy.
'When my son was very small,' I said, hoping Gerald wouldn't mind, 'he did exactly that once or twice. First, he'd be really angry, and then when he'd worn himself out with crossness, he'd cry, all curled up on my lap. Then, when he'd cried the last drop of energy away, he'd just fall asleep and I'd hold him for ages. And the important thing is - I think the important thing is that he had to go through all that fighting and fretting to get the nasty spiky feelings out of himself, and he did it in the safest place he knew, which was in my arms.'
Gerald's not the sort of chap whose eyes mist over much, but when I glanced at him I'm pretty sure that's what they were doing.
I looked around at the other faces in the room. 'God doesn't mind you being angry with him,' I said.
What was I saying?
'He's used to taking the blame. In fact he'd rather you took it out on him than someone else.'"

During DTS, a speaker(Troy, I think) told us how he would yell at God. The idea seemed completely foreign to me then, but now it doesn't seem so strange. God actually likes us to yell at him. At least we are actually talking then.

I feel so alone here! I have friends that I do things with and I love my 'job', but I miss my family and friends back home. Maybe it's because Christmas and my birthday are coming up. I don't know. But I wish I knew why I was here. What is God's plan for this? I am doing stuff here that I could do at home. Yeah, it's a new cultural experience, but why? Am I 'called' to Germany? I don't think so. At least God hasn't told me.

I kind of like writing on here. It helps get all of my crazy jumbled thoughts into one place. Hmm. Interesting.

The wait is over!

So, I have finally been able to get my pictures off my camera and onto my computer! Hooray! It has been a long time coming, that's for sure. So, enjoy these pictures and I will write more later.